Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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