I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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