when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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