I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
