I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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