If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I woke up under a house in Key West
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