Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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