youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
