Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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