My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
