It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
