Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
