I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize