seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
