he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
