I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
