i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize