THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
