there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
