Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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