I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize