The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
