i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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