I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
