okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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