apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
