Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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