I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
