Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
