i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
