Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
