By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
