1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
so let's talk penis.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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