does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
