Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
