Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
