I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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