we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize