Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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