Betty ford says i'm here all night
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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