i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
