Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He? As in you personified your dick?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
