i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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