So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
