I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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