i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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