i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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