In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
COCAINE IS GR8
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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