the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
