Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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