I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
