i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
