I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
this will be a night to untag.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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