You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
