You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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