Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
