just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
