so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
