guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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