does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
