How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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