are you so shy because you have an std?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
