I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize