My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
