K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
