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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
