I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
