just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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