dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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